I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
