Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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