I wish life had little blips of pornography
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
