i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
