You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
