So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
