Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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