I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
