Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
