My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
