well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
