Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
