Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
