those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
