im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
