Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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