I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
