i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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