How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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