I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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