Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
