Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
