So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
