Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
