Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i've created a new STD.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They have beer where we have blood.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
