there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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