The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
