made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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