I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
