So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
