Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
