We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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