No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
