Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
