he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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