I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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