Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

When are you freeeeeeeeee?

(612): View more from Minnesota

My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

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(847): View more from Illinois

So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

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(708): View more from Illinois

I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.

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