Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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