I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
