I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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