Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
