these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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