i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
