my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
