and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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