Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize