She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
