Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
