My friends, they love my intelligence
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
operation have a gay friend backfired
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
