I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
