God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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