i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
