I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
