Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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