i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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