Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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