Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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