I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
