i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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