Welp...herpes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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