its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
