can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
