I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
