I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
