On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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