I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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