How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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