the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
