You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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