I'm drive I can fine osifer
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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