just come out here and I will go home with you...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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