I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
