since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
