We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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