K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
organizing the empties. That sober.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
