God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
