Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
