i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
